I never have been on Facebook. Let me repeat: I never have typed a URL for, clicked a link to, or accessed the app for the little ‘f’ in the blue square. I don’t even know what it looks like and I’m kind of proud of it (feel free to giggle right here). I am not a member of a religious sect which prevents my participation in said site, nor am I an angry relative of any high-profile Harvard rowing twins. I have many friends without quotation marks, I love to network, and I love “The Social Network.” But I am 100-percent not interested in and just plain don’t buy into the Facebook phenom.
One little reason I have stayed away from Facebook is the well-documented and criticized security issues associated with the site. People have lost their jobs from unwanted “friends” viewing their pictures and reading their posts. Some users have had their identity stolen or borrowed. And, of course, some users “friend” people to spy on other users. But my favorite security reason for avoiding Facebook is a little more than the in-your-face obvious ones. I have a problem with the seemingly benign, under-the-radar affiliate marketing tools which track users and obtain their personal data to share with paying partners. I know MSNBC ran a special about it, but I’m not sure anyone watched it. Nor do I think anyone outside the marketing world would understand what it really means. I appreciate marketing, but not dirty marketing, especially when grandma is on Facebook purely to keep up with the grandchildren and has no idea how BENGAY(R) ads keep popping up on her sidebar!
My most frequent concern about Facebook and biggest reason for not participating in the trend, has everything to do with morality. If I was a lonely husband or wife having a nagging problem with my spouse, and felt completely desperate to escape my relationship without appearing to do anything wrong outside of my marriage, the first place I would turn to would be Facebook. I know if my husband and I would join the site, within a month we would have friend requests from people we never should or would have gotten in touch with in the real world. Then if one would accept a “forbidden friend” the other spouse would do the same out of fairness. Thus, you have an arrangement similar to that of Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy and his ex-girlfriend. Let’s just say, things get ugly! Every married person I know has somehow, through pure fate, reconnected with an old buddy as nothing other than a Facebook “friend.” And, voila, somehow Mr. Founder brilliantly is making billions on the most socially accepted means to open marriage ever known to man. When someone tells me they’ve divorced within the last few years, I automatically assume there is a high school “friend” on Facebook involved, and usually I’m either dead on, or off by a few years.
As if my moral-impact-on-the-marriage reason for avoiding Facebook isn’t enough for me to stay far away from it, there is my mom-on-a-soap-box reason for not joining the charade: Shouldn’t someone be kind of busy trying to raise educated and socially functioning future members of a real society? I have heard all the exciting reasons other moms are on Facebook and why I should be their “friend.” I have been asked and emailed several times to drink the… well you know. I have learned to listen to their pleas and I quietly nod. Then I see them giggle at their phones while we have coffee and they think they’re successfully multitasking while their neglected darlings color on my wall with Sharpies and I try explaining why I have three weeks to live (not really, but to make my point) and I don’t get a reaction. I understand my mom friends are as addicted to Facebook as I am to coffee and HGTV. I get it. But the children of these Facebook addicts don’t understand why they have to live with these screen staring zombies as their mothers!
One thing I give Facebook credit for is giving people a venue. Not everyone is happy. And when people aren’t happy they drink coffee, watch TV, shop, play games, and spend the rest of their time on Facebook describing these events. When the daily routine becomes too mundane for Facebook, people create more whatever to fill the picture–wilder girls’ nights out, better bikinis, darker tans, new toys, more family pictures resembling Eddie Bauer catalog shots, what have you. Essentially, the Facebook facade–that staged and scripted world people obsess over and polish before presenting it to a carefully selected audience–should really be a flashing red, light begging the question, “What is missing from my life?,” and a growing concern for everyone. Not just me. I, in the meantime, get to enjoy the real world outside the little ‘f.’ I love it here. And I know for certain I haven’t missed a thing.
Related topics:
Social Networking Boosts Teen Drug Abuse Risk from Thomson Reuters, by Molly O’Toole:
Not Me Dot Com — Want an Internet that doesn’t know your pant size? A guide to regain your privacy from The Wall Street Journal, by Luke O’Neil:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303714704576385700129279210.html
How to Get Hacked on Facebook from MSN Money, by Stacy Johnson:
http://money.msn.com/identity-theft/article.aspx?post=7428a57c-3ed8-4ec7-9b46-5e13ad5dc161
Like (insert thumb-up here) !!!
Thanks.
Although I am a facebook user I do agree with you. I use it to keep in touch with people that I don’t get to see or talk to. I do know lots of people that “can’t live” without it. I hate the fact that there are apps on cell phone for it because it is bad enough trying to carry on a conversation with someone checking they’re text messages, now they are checking fb as well.
I can see how others get annoyed when they become the neglected. When it happens to me, I feel as though I’m a little kid and insignificant regardless of the conversation or setting, which has made me really sympathize with children who live this way. I think texting in front of children is just as disrespectful, especially now that I see the frustration on my own kids’ faces when I’m sending a text. Children don’t care what their parents are doing on their smartphones or computers–even if it’s about them–they just know it’s making them feel completely ignored. They learn to adjust to those feelings and eventually crave the smartphones and Facebook to have something else to do while the parents are busy, besides playing video games. Fortunately I never craved Facebook all these years, or I’d be one of those parents.
Great article! I do like my FB, but I totally understand your reasons not to succumb to the pressure of joining. I love how you don’t follow the crowd just because it’s the ‘in’ thing to do. FYI, if I ever attempt to look at FB on my phone while in your presence, feel free to slap me.
Somehow I’ve never followed a crowd. Not intentionally, just by chance. Now I get to try teaching that to my children. I’m pretty sure I’ll find out it can’t be taught.
FYI, I know you well enough that if you were on Facebook in my presence (not that I’d know since I sincerely don’t know what it looks like) I’d laugh and ask you if there was a schedule conflict.
Good call on avoiding facebook. It does have some uses, but only for very impersonal information. Best bet is to fill it with imagination, and not real life…That stuff belongs in the real world…or in a blog for everyone to read.